It blows my mind that I need to MANAGE my trauma effects EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE.

Has it gotten easier?  Are my management techniques or is my coping tool box helping me manage more efficiently?  Yes, definitely!  At what cost though?  I’ve been working with my peaks and valleys till I was ready to drop for over 20 years while sifting through layer after layer of brutal emotional states.  Yes, it has been at a huge cost!

What if I could have directed all that energy used for dealing with the collateral damage from childhood for something else, like something I enjoy and helping others.

I have to admit that I am the complex, strong, and spiritual person I am today as a result of the inner healing work my trauma pushed me to do.  If I wanted to stay alive and have any kind of a whole fulfilling life, it was trauma release work I NEEDED to do.

So many people have no idea of the far reaching insidious effects a CSA survivor deals with all our lives.  Everything literally goes through a brain damaged – soul crushing filter that easily has the power to destroy.  Most of us aren’t aware this is happening because we are self medicating, distracted with self-destructive behaviors and dissociated from ourselves.

Trauma changes the brain – it permanently damages it and this damage can be seen in brain scans.  It’s especially noticeable when there were repeated traumas in childhood while the brain was still forming. So, what can we do to relieve our suffering?

We, as a society, can believe and support survivors with life saving trauma release therapies.  This would help transform survivors dark powerful trauma energy into a roaring passion to extend positive energy out into the world.  Traumatized individuals should have the RIGHT to receive life saving & life altering trauma release treatment whether they have ‘the money’ or not.  Don’t you think when a child is abused, society has failed them, and so, it should be society’s responsibility to help them heal and become contributing members of the community?

When a CSA, or any type of childhood trauma survivor, is given a life line of support, most of us will pay back to society far more than could have been imagined.

I want to spread awareness about the effects of childhood trauma on millions of people all over the world, and how badly effective treatment is needed.  Here is my take on trauma effects in a poem I wrote during my crises phase of remembering while in a hopeless state of mind in my mid 40’s.

Insidious

It lurks in every cell of my being
This insidious disease
I hear words like victim, trauma, and sexual assault
I sleep with it, eat with it, love with it,
Numb with it, cry, rage and die with it.
Everything I see, I hear, I feel, I touch,
Is filtered through this insidious disease
I cower, I sink, I drown, I rot with it.
There is no where to run or hide from it.
I’ve found NO SAFE PLACE EXCEPT GOD
I accept the truth of who I am
I accept the rage, the endless gut wrenching pain
I accept, I accept, I accept
This insidious disease
And then I can learn to love myself & move on in peace

Healing Blessings To You All,

Marie

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2 Comments
  1. Beautifully written description of what "childhood trauma" feels like. Courageous for you to post.
    Thank you Donna 🙂

    • Thank you, Katheryn. I appreciate your reading my blog & taking the time to comment 😊

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